Whether you're brand new to testing or a grizzled veteran, you're probably familiar with various certifications and standards, purportedly about software testing. The ISTQB suite of certifications. There are multiple ISO standards. There's a large enterprise company, perhaps even sponsoring this conference, that publishes an annual "World Quality Report". All of these are presented and backed by impressive-looking institutions and the weight of "surely something this big and well-recognized is a reliable source of truth". But is it? In this talk, we'll test several examples of these giant-organization-backed artifacts, just as we would test claims, and think critically, about the software we test every day. We'll examine whether the guidance and mindsets they propagate about testing hold up to professional scrutiny, or if they are indeed...edifices of illusion.